Ron Craker

Answer these 4 True and False Statements:

1. Transitions are difficult and sometimes lead to power struggles with my child.
2. I feel like things are disorganized and cluttered in my home life.
3. I rarely follow a schedule or routine for meals, naps, and bedtime.
4. I haven’t really thought about my child’s natural daily rhythm of energy level, appetite, etc.

If you can answer, TRUE, to any of these statements then you are familiar with the stress and downright despair that comes from feeling like you are alone in raising the kids and running the household and can’t keep up.   Of course the best answer to this feeling is to experience the support of a dedicated partner.  However, whether you are a single mom or someone who has a dedicated partner, if you are the primary at-home parent you often are functionally parenting the kids by yourself.

The big idea that can dramatically change things for you is this: Design a Supportive Environment.  Having the environment of your home, your routine, and your daily rhythm working for you can feel like have a support partner working with you.  Young kids thrive on predictability, daily life is nothing if not unpredictable, but you can design the environment to work with you to make each day go better.

Take a tip from the good preschool and day care centers.   They handle transitions by having the environment tell everyone when things have to change, sparing the staff from having to give direct orders the kids will resist.  For example, they turn on and off the lights or sing a transition song.  At home you could use the microwave count-down timer to cue you and the child when a transition needs to occur.  It is a lot easier to be able to say, “Oh, hear that?  The beep is telling us it’s time for the TV to take a nap while we eat.” than it is to say, “I need that TV turned off and you’ve got to come eat!”  First off, the child’s level of resistance to the transition will be lower and even if they do protest, the timer is now the “bad guy” and you can be the empathizer.  “I know, that TV show was fun but Mr. Timer said we need to eat now.”

In my experience having in-home coaching with preschool families over the last 8 years, most Moms have set themselves up with completely unreasonable expectations for how organized and clutter free their home should be.  The reality is that if you have a child younger than First Grade age, you are living the “Preschool Lifestyle”.  If you are in this lifestyle phase then everything you have ever been taught about life balance, goal setting, and planning your day via an organizer and to-do list is worthless.  With preschoolers the day can’t go as you wish or as you planned.  On the other hand if you operate the day without any routine or structure preschoolers will spend the entire day pushing up against your boundaries because they really want and need some.

 The solution is to Design a Supportive Environment.  This means a loose but predictable flow to chunks of the day.  Breakfast around a regular time, followed by _____ (errand running, or indoor floor play, or table top play, or outdoor play), an organized snack, regular nap and lunch time, and so on.  What happens when can be based on you and your children’s natural rhythms.  The important thing is to recognize that young children don’t have time concepts and the only way they feel comfortable is to sense that there is a flow to their day.  Again, good preschools can teach us a lot. They break the day into segments (circle time, free play, craft table, snack, build blocks area, sensory table, book nook, nap time, outdoor/gross motor play).  I understand that these teachers don’t have to answer phones, pay bills, move laundry and shop for groceries while they care for the kids.   However, many Moms I work with have found that designing an environment that works for them eliminates many of the stressful situations in their day.

If you have a great idea or example that has helped you and your children please share by making a comment.